And these are my non-rhyming poems. I hope you enjoy these as well. Though I must advise, these are deeper than my other poems. Enjoy reading! :)
pain around me,
exposing my torture in the light of the day,
intensifying as it embraces me,
a world where my feelings are exposed and exploited,
where i am remembered yet forgotten,
loved yet hated,
happy yet sad,
a world which feels more twisted than my own,
a world where i have to pray for the shadows to come,
a world where my tears evaporate into nothing,
where my heartbeat is drowned out from the voices that speak of me,
i hold my tears until the light dissipates,
i wait for the night to welcome me into its cold arms,
i walk with the shadows with no attempt for light,
accepting my fate in the depths of darkness,
i try to close my eyes from the world for eternity,
i try to escape to another universe,
a world that i can control,
a world made for me,
a world i can only go to in the depths of the night,
welcoming the light i can only obtain in the shadows,
a world where my emotions affect me,
the only place where i am happy and sad,
the only time when i have people who will hear my cries,
who will know that i exist,
the only place where i can feel love,
i am happy in this world, my world,
where my tears are felt like the rain,
where my heart pumps like thunder,
a world where my feelings are felt,
where people who live there know that i exist,
who can actually know and care how I feel,
a world where i can live for eternity,
which is my paradise as well as my hell,
the only light that can emerge from the dark,
the true light that shines within me,
a world where reality is made fantasy,
and where fantasy is made life.
I have seen a fallen angel,
she clips her wings as she flies.
Her wings evaporate into the nothingness of the sky,
falling from the heavens crashing into the Earth,
a wingless and beautiful creation of God,
wondering if I am the one who is to help her,
the one who helps regain her glow and her grace.
She struggles to find herself,
her wings and halo are gone.
Her white tunic stained from the evils of the world,
losing less hope as she walks through this world,
I cry for her as she cries for herself,
accepting that I cannot touch this angel,
that I cannot feel her warmth or see her glow.
she has lost it all here in this godforsaken world.
She walks and crawls through this world,
not knowing what to look for.
Her beauty and her inner potential is what makes her different from everyone, she is above humanity and she does not see that.
My heart feels the tears she drops,
I hear her heart cry for her Father,
I see her glow slowly fading,
I cry witnessing an angel fall on her knees,
my heart tingles in sympathy and cries in sync with hers,
though we may not belong together I cannot help but try with her,
I want to help her regain her wings and halo,
she deserves to fly again,
angels are meant to fly in the sky,
together we will find her wings and fly back to the heavens.
another night embracing the darkness in my room,
looking out the window hoping she would come back,
praying to the moon asking it to guide her back to me,
but she does not return,
when I close my eyes I see her so close to me,
I can smell her fragrance lingering around my room,
the memories of the nights spent together,
finally embracing the warmth of a woman,
finally having her wrapped in my arms,
the room haunts me with those moments,
robbing me of my sleep and my sanity,
romance music echoes through this small space,
I feel the walls get smaller,
I suffocate from the moments when she was in my life,
the sharp pain of knowing that those memories haunt me,
as long as she exists in my room and in my mind,
the moon begins to move on,
the path to me darkens as it leaves,
once more dimming my hopes of her return,
the walls laugh at me,
her fragrance surrounds me as I curdle up into a ball,
reciting to myself over and over that she will come back,
filling myself with false hope every night,
looking out from my window hoping that she will come back to me,
wanting to be held again,
to bring back those moments that plague me when i think of her,
or when i see her face,
sleeping away in the memories and waking up to an empty pillow,
looking out my window once more to see if she's there,
only to find an empty path,
once more inflicting more pain on myself,
feeling my heart deteriorate every second that passes,
feeling weaker every minute she wakes up in my head,
having to accept that those moments are long gone,
moments I waited so long for,
only to slowly die in them.
the pain of regret,
the tears of guilt,
the torture of life,
I deserve the pain I get from this,
I failed in being happy like i fail in everything else in life,
it seems I still have yet to rise from my ashes,
I cannot shake off what I've done,
I have to live with it until I find something better,
life is not ready to end my misery yet,
it has just started sharpening its blades,
it will not let me go just yet,
apparently i still have unanswered questions,
it will not let me go until I answer,
but I don't know the answers to anything,
I've been in the dark my whole life,
all the hurt i caused my mom was the first cut and it cuts deep inside me,
so close to my heart,
i see all I've done to her,
I feel her tears while mine fall to the floor,
second cut was my friend,
I have hurt her in occasions that I felt them myself,
this one was on the edge of my heart,
i stopped breathing momentarily,
I never knew this cut would hurt so much,
It's amazing how much pain a few words can inflict on a person,
I have an answer for that,
I cared so much that i ended up careless,
holding the knife that was so close to her heart almost killed me,
my tears have turned into blood and my pain has become my reaper,
the final cut is made,
this one went right to my heart,
I scream in agony throughout the dimensions,
this cut was from the only person I ever grew to love,
the one who was once my angel,
she flew away from me and I let her go,
years looking for her and i failed to find her,
like I failed in almost everything,
how can i answer this?
I don't know what happened,
I never stopped loving and caring for her,
why is life torturing me for this?
there was nothing I could do,
I couldn't make her stay if i tried,
it seems I have more torture left ahead,
life is not releasing me from its chains,
looks like I have a lot to answer to,
I am shackled and bound in this prison,
my torture is just starting,
I will drown in my blood and tears when life finishes with me,
but at this point death is what i am looking more forward to.
what do i want?
there's too much to say,
i want a reason to smile and frown,
a reason to both laugh and cry,
i want to smile and laugh when i see her,
and i want to cry and frown when she leaves at the end of the day,
i want the emotional roller coaster,
the highs and lows of her,
i want to feel the softness of her hair slip from my fingers,
i want to dance with her in the rain,
i want goosebumps when i see or hear her name anywhere,
i want my heart to skip a beat when i see her,
i want to close my eyes and sense her,
i want to smell her perfume,
i want to hear her voice,
i want to taste her lips,
i want to feel her skin pass through my hands,
i want to listen to music with her until we find a song that defines us,
i want to rip my heart out of my body and tell her that its hers,
i want someone with who i can climb out of the ground,
walk on the earth, and run to the sky,
i want us to sleep at the same exact moment,
so we can pass through our dreams together,
i want to lose myself inside of her dreams,
so i will know we will be together day and night,
i want to cry to the heavens,
God has blessed me with an angel of his that i can call my own,
i want to take her back to heaven where she truly belongs,
and where i belong,
my love from the heavens,
my blessing from God,
my angel from the skies.
Living In Sorrow
the search continues,
that search for the restoration of my heart,
hoping to regain purity in my soul,
the world spins along with my head,
i walk the earth searching for tranquility and peace,
the peace one gets when the world is all right,
through every passing phases of the sun and the moon i lay here wondering, when will i have made peace with my past, present, and future?
when will i achieve full forgiveness for all i have done?
life has yet to answer my questions,
the people have yet to forgive me,
i cry the more my heart deteriorates,
my soul darkens inside of me,
my hell is inside of me,
suffering everyday for all i have done to the world,
i have endured the pain of loneliness,
writhing in despair every passing second,
i do not receive the peace within myself,
i myself wonder if God has taken the time to forgive me,
being alone is the greatest amount of pain one can suffer,
having no one behind me,
the feeling i get when i have no one who is willing to stay,
all because i never saw through the world around me,
my world crumbles every day,
the earth has rotted beneath my feet,
the sky has begun to descend into the ground,
i must get out of here,
i seek forgiveness from this world,
hopefully all will be right once more.
the pain of love,
the embrace of hate,
the understanding of confusion,
the misunderstanding of what is known,
that is what is my mind body and soul,
i cry when i'm happy,
i smile when i'm sad,
life has twisted me into a double helix of pain and pleasure,
i don't know what to feel anymore,
my mind feels and my heart thinks,
love has become hate and hate has become love,
the twists of life have left me broken yet working,
happy yet sad,
angry yet relieved,
my thoughts have become entangled in the idea of life,
all the things in life have turned me into what i wasn't,
an emotional entity broken by love and fixed by pain,
pain has become my stepping stone,
my mind has me feeling as if love is my poison,
it keeps me away from love for what it has done to me,
it left me scouring the earth,
fighting and searching for the love i once had,
this search has killed me,
my tears and pain have revived me time and time again,
they make me stronger after every resurrection,
life has turned me into a hapless being,
the helix of my life dances strongly,
facing skyward the more i cry and sadden,
i need my poison,
i need love to course through my veins and stream through my blood,
if positivity is my poison i want to die,
i do not want to be immortal,
i cannot have hatred be the source of my existence,
hatred is not who i am,
i want love to kill me,
come to me and stab me in the heart,
kill me as well as my demons,
at least that way i know i died happily.
i must close this chapter of my life,
after all this time i need to let go,
its hard letting go of something i held on to for 8 years,
something i held on to because i was hoping to see her again,
it hurts to let go of something i once loved more than myself,
letting go of 8 years of searching for something that happens once in a lifetime, letting go of my first love,
letting go of the happiness i once had,
releasing all hopes i had so i could see her once more in my life,
her face still haunts me at night,
i still go back to that day,
the day life ripped that part of my life for good,
she became part of my life,
the part that i will never get back,
she took that part of my life with her,
letting her go for good is as if i was letting go of my own life,
am i really ready to do this?
can i really let go of this part of my life?
she is not coming back is she, Lord?
do you think if i let go i can make it without her?
does the world think so?
its hard to let go of all the times ive walked to the sky,
all the times ive sat on the moon,
all the times i ran through the stars with her,
everytime i was with her we left the earth and flew to the heavens,
is it worth letting those trips go?
if i do will i come across another like her?
We looked at the sky and went up there,
ever since she left ive fallen to earth harder everytime i go up there,
she was the only one i could fly with,
is it worth letting it go?
is she worth letting go?
I may never know.
another sleepless night,
i cannot seem to sleep in peace,
i go into my thoughts and i never seem to get out of them,
just like my room my mind is cold and dark,
i am running inside my head trying to find answers,
answers to questions that haunt me like ghosts,
hours i spend trying to find them,
my eyes are losing its sight as the room grows darker and smaller,
i feel trapped inside my room,
inside my mind and inside of myself,
my breath begins to freeze in the air,
this room defines me,
this room is me,
my mind is this dark void,
i lose myself inside it every night,
i never sleep when i enter this dark hole,
those who pass my room can see the nocturne inside,
i have gone to enter without fear,
an expectancy of a sleepless and long nights,
nights when all the ghosts of time come to haunt me,
they come through the walls and enter my brain,
my ghosts of the past, preset, and future,
they have never left me,
and it seems as if they never will,
as long as i am in this room i cannot sleep,
as long as i get lost in myself they will never go away,
the other side of my bed is so cold,
so alone and so dark,
i lay alongside my ghosts,
alongside my regrets my actions and my fate,
someone please help me out of here,
i cannot run anymore,
please fight with me.
i have gone high and low,
from the sky to the sea floor,
from the heavens to the earth,
from the earth to the depths of the abyss,
i have fought my whole life to get here,
i sit on the moon peacefully,
i am taking a break from reaching the stars,
i have never seen them so close,
clouds cover the earth,
i can no longer see how far i have gotten,
i sometimes get scared of falling off the moon,
the stars are so far yet still within my reach,
i miss those i have left down in the earth,
but i must keep going,
the stars are my goal,
and the moon is my checkpoint,
its cold and alone here,
there is no one here but me,
not enough air to breathe,
only enough for the one who hopes to someday reach the stars,
to reach for their star,
to reach for my star,
i have started in hell,
i have swam up to the water,
i have walked through the earth,
i have flown up to the sky,
i have reached the open space,
and i am now on the moon,
i am almost to the stars,
i now have a new goal,
which is to reach to paradise,
i want to reach the heavens,
where i know i can live in peace for eternity,
my rise to tranquility continues.
i must resurface,
i have been down here long enough,
all the times i have been lied to,
all the times my heart has been ripped out of me,
all the non responded calls for help,
i have been drowning in sorrow my whole life,
it seems i can only rely on myself,
i think of all the trials my heart has faced,
its a miracle i am still alive though down on the floor cringing,
i have loved and lost,
i have fought and won,
i have tried and failed,
yet i did and barely made it,
my mind plays it all like a movie,
my life returns to it all like a cycle,
i have been in and out of this world hoping to go into the other,
miraculously i am still alive,
i still have a lot of work i need to do on myself,
at this moment i am running on hope, i
f i lose hope i will drown in the depths of sorrow,
i must restore my heart and my soul before i can go any further,
it is rather sad that i had to go through what ive been through,
time and time again i have been swimming in the waters of life,
i have swallowed the pains of life while swimming through it,
the waves are just beginning to rise,
i have yet to put my feet in the water for the next wave,
i can see that my life is just beginning again,
hope has been the only thing that has been keeping me alive,
yet my hope has so many holes already,
exactly how much hope do i have left?
how long till its time to sink or swim?
she has an evil aura that surrounds her,
she is the walking death,
she has taken my pride and destroyed it,
she attempted to stab me in the heart,
she tried to rip my soul from my body,
her words are full of empty promises,
her words have left me as an empty vessel,
i promised to hold her heart only to find that she was without one,
her face is covered in lies,
she breathes evil,
she has reopened my old wounds and left me to die,
to wither in the dark empty space of pain,
her evil intent has dropped me to my knees and my heart to the floor,
she took my sincerity and put it under her shoe,
how could i have been so stupid to like her?
how could she take advantage of me?
i cannot believe she turned out to be like the rest,
she used me and left me in the same place i always end up,
i feel like i am in hell when i am here,
the dark pierces my body and peels away my soul every passing second,
its her fingers that are doing this to me,
i do not know how to feel anymore,
my cries for help are never responded,
her laugh echoes through,
her presence is so fearful even the shadows cannot contain her actions,
how evil can a person be?
dark clouds surround the sky,
day turns into night,
flowers wither away,
she is worse than any devil that we know exists,
she is the siren that lures men to the death of their hearts with her song of lies,
she has taken my heart and broken it like it has many times before,
life is drained from living things when she walks the world,
she has made men fall to their knees believing in hopeless love,
i turned out to be another victim,
she skewered my heart with her claws,
she has peeled away the benevolence from my soul,
she has killed my dignity and my pride,
she has plagued my mind with her evil,
she is the walking death.
my heart is shattered once more,
my soul has lost all hope,
it has come to my head plenty of times,
i thought of finishing it all,
whether it took just one step or one bullet,
either way i did not feel like i belong here,
sometimes i still do but i try so hard to not feel that way,
everyone walks away from me,
they never ask for me,
they leave me in the dark to die in my own misery,
so why not end it quicker?
what else do i have that i can keep?
what do i really have thats worth living and loving?
why bother if it all slips away from me day by day?
all my life i have been putting my faith in a bunch of nothings,
i can remember the times i stood on the ledge of buildings and bridges,
i wonder if i should have jumped, would the world have cared?
i try to find reasons as to why i should keep living if this is all i get,
my heart gets stabbed every day,
my soul is tired of crying,
and i get tired of living,
the will of God is all that is keeping me alive,
if not for that who's to stop me from taking the final step?
i try harder than anyone in this world to breathe, let alone live,
i have so much inside of me i try so hard to let it out,
anger, shame, sadness, hatred, and embarrassment,
i have thought of ending it all more than once,
i did not feel like my life is worth living,
who would even want my life?
a broken heart and a soul that can never catch a break,
why not end it once and for all?
my love for myself and for life grows shorter the more i suffer,
i try to find the reason why i shouldn't end my life,
i still have yet to find it,
i hope i find it soon,
because if i don't, there was no reason to live in the first place,
i pray to God that i find my reason soon,
because all i really need is one final step and it will all end.
my heart has been shattered,
and my soul broken,
you made a vow to love me,
i gave you everything,
the key to my heart,
promised you entrance if you treat that space with care and tenderness,
you dirtied it with lies, deceit, and broken promises,
you lost the key to my heart,
now it will never be the way it was,
i can never open that door again to anyone because of you,
all the heartbreak,
the misery is locked inside, and now i can't get it out,
you made an oath to love me and i gave you my trust,
the key to my heart which was the door to my soul,
now filled with sorrow and promises that were broken,
the darkness has grown stronger and has consumed my heart and my essence,
they have succumbed to emptiness because of all the broken promises,
now i have nothing except pain and a dark void,
it has pierced through the door,
now I have an irreparable hole in my soul that will never close,
and now i must live with this forever,
all because you broke the biggest promise of all:
to love me forever.
its the story of my life,
once more my heart has shattered into millions of pieces,
how much more can it take?
how much more tears must i shed?
how many times must my heart break so it can be fixed?
i am tired of picking up the pieces every day,
my soul is crying for me,
i do not know why this happens,
i cannot even be entirely happy for a good amount of time,
why am i still dealing with this?
what must i do to be happy?
why has life been so cruel to me all my life?
i have paid my dues i have tried to make things right,
why must i go through this again?
why cant i just fall in love without anything that can ruin it?
am i not entitled to be loved?
is this the thread the sisters of fate have spun for me?
am i supposed to be alone, is that it?
my heart has been through enough already,
why cant life see that?
i cry because of all the times my heart has been broken,
i also cry because it has gotten this far,
now look at it,
it struggles just to beat inside of me,
it seems it still was not fixed after all this time,
i do not know if i am worthy of this heart anymore,
all this time it has fallen and risen inside of my body,
i am surprised it hasn't ripped out and walked away from me,
but who is to say it will not happen?
my soul is so sad it does not wish to shine anymore,
i do not wish to shine anymore either, i don't wish to go through this anymore,
i think i am done here.
i have been stricken by hope,
my future shines brighter the more we talk,
my heart rises in temperature as it jumps for excitement,
seems it has finally found what it was looking for,
she has the nature of a flower,
delicate but beautiful,
she leaves me restless at night,
i wake up and i see her face,
it seems i have fallen into deep infatuation,
my heart wishes to join hers like two doves in the blue sky,
she has repaired my heart faster than i could my whole life,
i have made the promise that whoever fixes it can have it,
she has won and earned it,
now it is my turn to earn hers,
for the first time in a long time i managed to wake up with a smile,
she easily undid all the damage life has done to me,
my soul now presents a peaceful aura surrounding me,
all these years i have been on my hands and knees trying to get this far,
i have bled and sweated and cried to get here,
i am finally here because of her,
my nights have brightened,
the stars are visible and shining brightly,
as is my heart,
i cannot contain the joy she has brought in a short amount of time,
there is nothing i can do to repay what she has done,
i owe her my life,
and that's what i am willing to spend just to be with her,
she had hope for me when no one else did,
i will be sure to give her that happiness she is so entitled to,
any less than that would be unworthy,
i am so hopelessly infatuated i hope i never get out,
for once everything feels right,
now by the powers of God and the stars,
let it be right.
What Is Love?
what can i say about love?
it can mean so many things,
some love it,
some hate it,
it can be confusing at times,
it can either break hearts or form them,
some seek it while others lose it,
love can make you laugh or cry,
love can make you smile or frown,
love can put you through hell or get you to heaven,
love can make you fly or make you fall,
it can make a new life or destroy one,
love can make you stronger or make you weaker,
love can fill your heart or empty it,
love can leave you assured or confused,
love can open old wounds or form new ones,
love can be strong or weak,
it can brighten the day or darken it,
love can be good or evil,
love can be straightforward or mysterious,
love can make you feel accompanied or lonely,
love can be simple or complicated,
love can be compassionate or cold-hearted,
love is many things,
but one thing it will never be is defined.
i used to be nervous when i saw her,
i used to tremble with every beat of my heart,
my blood used to cry her name when i saw her,
she was beautiful,
hair softer than silk,
green eyes that had their own world inside,
and lips that would give the kisses of angels,
she would smell of a bed of roses,
and walk with such elegance that she would have any man she wanted,
she was a siren,
such an angelic voice that would calm even the angriest of flames,
she looked hand-created from God,
never in my life have i seen such a glorious being in my life,
every man fought for a smile from her,
her smile could entice the Lord Himself,
she would come to me as if she was mine and if i was hers,
i always saw her smile, heard her laughs, got lost in her eyes and felt her lips on my cheeks,
i would feel like a dove who has been freed from someone's grasp,
her hugs were so heartwarming that my heart was melting inside,
i never thought i could meet another girl like her,
she was everything i wanted,
but she was gone from my life,
the last day i saw her was the first time i saw her cry,
i never knew she felt this way about me,
she was to be gone from my life,
we hugged as i felt her tears race through my shirt,
i wanted to cry but i couldn't,
but why? i was falling in love and for the first time i never wanted to get up,
as long as she was there i never wanted to leave,
but i didn't leave, she did,
for the first time i was in love,
those tears i never shed that day are coming out now,
i finally felt like i loved someone and she had to go,
she was my first love,
i see her face at night and in my dreams,
come back to me please.
i wield my shield and my sword,
my heart and my soul,
this is all i have to fight life,
every passing day i am in a battle for my happiness,
there are wounds in my heart and scars in my soul,
the mementos of my everyday fight,
when i come back after every trial i try to smile for my conquering,
it seems i have yet to win the war,
i cannot even heal the pain for a day,
i lost so many battles in this war,
when do i get my chance?
when is my first victory to come?
i already lost fellow friends who fought for the same thing,
either they won their battle or lost themselves in this fight,
i look at the stars and i ask why?
why participate in a war i will lose in the end?
a war that we all lose?
what is the point anymore?
is the fight for one's happiness even worth it?
people would rather fall into the blade of hopelessness than cut through the shield of despair,
who's to say i won't do the same?
who's to say i shouldn't?
this is quite the fight i was forced to participate in,
will i get to stand on top?
be able to tell the world i came, i saw, and i conquered?
i have yet to get that opportunity,
i ask myself what matters more?
fighting with my heart and standing on top,
or staying back guarding my soul?
it seems i cannot win regardless,
is the risk worth the reward?
risking my heart in hopes that someone will heal it?
what if they take their sword and plunge it in my heart?
is it worth it?
why must a fight for happiness be so troubling?
must i stay and fight?
is it worth it?
will this fight for happiness bring me someone i can fight alongside?
i do not wish to continue on my own,
i have been outnumbered,
please someone fight with me,
in return i will heal your heart as we heal mine,
please aid me as we shall fight together and stand on top of the world,
we will have fought and won our happiness together.
another year has gone,
i have gained and lost a lot of pieces of my life,
i have faced struggles this year that have changed me in so many ways,
i have discovered parts of myself that i never knew i had in me,
good and evil shockingly enough,
i fight everyday to do the right thing,
sometimes i do not see that i am also doing wrong,
and worst part of it is the ones affected are the ones i love,
my heart has not fully restored its completion this year,
hopefully the next one,
another chapter in life is coming to a close as is this part of my life,
it is time to see what i have,
i have an incomplete heart and a vulnerable soul,
an ego that has ruined many lives including my own,
and an almost year-long partnership that hangs by a thread,
how could i have done all this?
was this all me?
i must accept the consequences of my actions and go into the next chapter, the next year with my work cut out for me,
i must fix myself for the better,
i must fix the debilitating relationship,
i have been given an opportunity from the heavens to fix any mistakes i have committed, there is no longer an excuse,
a new me must resurface,
i cannot allow this version of me to go into the future,
it will destroy further anything i have left and i cannot risk it,
i must undo all the wrong committed to my loved ones,
i promise to them and to myself,
i will become the me i must be,
i want to forget who i am and be who i never was,
it is time for a new me it has been declared,
the old me must be done away,
all the evil must be cast aside,
i will dig into my soul to prove my worth,
may God guide me as I progress into the new year.
God, what is this that i feel?
why am i doing this?
i try to do the right thing but am i doing it wrong?
God, why do i feel worthless?
why do people know me and not know about me?
what must i do for them to acknowledge that i care for them?
God, i try to be strong and fight evil for me and those i care about,
why can't i prevent evil from happening to my loved ones?
am i too weak?
God, why do i try to be a hero when i can't even save one person?
am i that bad a hero?
or do i have too strong a villain?
God, why can't i just fly away from my problems?
must i really stay and fight?
is this hero to gain strength to save those i live for?
am i biting off more than i can chew?
am i really overestimating my abilities?
God, how much more must i endure so i can gain my powers?
I do not blame you for what happens to me,
all i do and face has come to be as a matter of choice,
even the ones i choose to fight for,
i am tired of fighting the good fight and ending up empty,
how much more do i need to endeavor?
God, how long until i regain my voice so people can hear me?
how long until i gain my strength,
when can I rescue all that i can while i am alive and fighting?
what must i do to make someone capable of trusting me?
what is needed to show the lost ones that they are lost?
God, what can i do to open their eyes and ears so they can see and hear what happens around them?
how lost do they have to be until they realize they may not ever get out?
God, grant me the strength and the power to fight and rescue the helpless,
i want to fulfill the promise i made,
i do not wish to allow anymore of my loved ones to fall victim to the shadows that cloud and embraces them,
i want to give them the hope,
i want to be a hero,
God, what must i do?
i open my eyes and i do not see anything,
not a thing nor person,
i am on my own,
the trees have lost their leaves,
the wind howls my name,
the clouds hide the moon from me,
there is no sign of life around me,
i yell for help but my call fades into the night,
my spine is in chills and my heart trembles in my chest,
my soul shivers as it seeks for warmth,
i look around and there is no presence except the air of emptiness,
that is all i feel,
the stars have fallen from the sky i do not see them,
the moon has disappeared into the clouds,
this road in front of me,
it disappears in just five steps,
if i take those five steps i may disappear as well,
my world has lost its meaning of existence,
there is nothing left here but the dark and i am its only dweller,
i have been here many times before,
i wish i did not have to be here so often,
this world is left to those with no hope,
is that why i am here?
have i lost my hope as much this world has lost life?
i begin to grow cold as i stay here,
this dark lonely universe is haunted by the emptiness of the world and the negativity of the people,
this feels like the lifeless side of hell,
this must be the side where one must truly feel like they are alone,
then they must go inside and lose their minds to the dark lifeless universe,
i cry and yell for help and no one calls back,
seems i am by myself here,
it seems i am on my own,
it seems that i am alone,
i hope this is all just a bad dream.
The Other Half
_my whole life i have been working for my freedom and happiness,
i have always been wounded hurt and left to fall on my own demise,
but he was always there,
there was a time when we were cut off from each other but we reunited,
seems like not even life can keep us apart despite its efforts,
we are inseparable,
we have faced experiences that made us stronger,
we faced them together and came out on top,
he has been my backbone as i have been his,
its funny how we can be so close yet be total opposites,
life kept us close but sometimes life kept us at odds and pitted us against each other,
despite that he may be my weakness he is also my strength,
my yin but also my yang,
instead of being one or the other he can be both,
it surprises me how even at his worst i cannot hate him,
we were raised together and i have seen him through good and bad,
despite me not wanting him to be bad i cannot think less of him,
i have gone to accept him flaws and all,
as i start to lose myself he seems to be the only thing that keeps me in balance,
we are each other's keeper and nothing can change that,
though we may have our differences, in essence we are similar,
we are two souls who are roaming through hell,
we are two brothers fighting our way to heaven.
it still beats inside me,
it is the guardian of my soul,
it pumps my essence through my blood,
i speak on its behalf, it debilitates the more life attacks it,
it has endured so much,
how long until it gives out on me?
my heart is what defines me,
my heart is broken and in need of a repair as do i,
it has lost a loved one,
it was stolen at one time,
it has fallen in love,
but it has also fallen to the floor,
it loses pieces the more it suffers,
it still yearns for that someone after all these years,
it still has not moved on from her,
she stole it and i let her have it for herself,
but she gave it back to me because it fell when she disappeared,
to this day i am still repairing it,
my heart has cried inside of me while my soul shivers at the cold winds of life, my heart was put up in every chance i took,
i never won anything other than my heart and the pieces that falls off of it,
the pieces start to cut my hand as i hold it,
because of all the times i tried to repair it,
the shards begin to grow smaller the more it falls,
pieces start to lose even faster,
i put it back inside of my chest prepared for my next battle,
i lose the fight once more,
i hear a loud shatter deep in my chest,
it is exactly what i thought it was, my heart,
i start to feel the cuts inside of me,
the shards have gotten sharper as it cuts through me,
i begin to bleed the tears pumped from my heart,
another piece of it rips through me and falls to the floor,
another piece of my heart goes in the repair box,
i begin to repair it again and it grows smaller after every repair,
at this rate i may end up with no heart,
how much more can it take?
how long till i end my life with no heart?
my life ends when my heart is gone,
how long until then?
only time will tell.
i think i should tell her,
then again maybe not,
i see her in my dreams as much as i wish to see her in real life,
i do not know what is harder,
telling her or not telling her,
we all have that fear of rejection inside,
how do you confess your feelings towards someone?
especially someone who i feel deserves someone good?
how do i tell her without the fear of being cast aside?
my body burns with love and my heart pumps in excitement when i see her face in my sleep,
when i see her i cannot put my words together,
my hands sweat from the nervousness,
her presence is so appealing i cannot help but want to tell her,
i am very grateful for her being in my life,
but i tremble at the idea of telling her,
i feel so uneasy inside,
my heart jumps and my mind loses itself when it has her in its thought,
when i can see her with my eyes,
my heart feels positive to go for her as my mind grows into confusion,
it thinks that she may not feel the same way,
once more my heart is at war with my mind,
emotion versus logic,
fantasy versus reality,
love versus hate,
this is a battle neither side wins,
the only one who suffers is my soul,
it cries when it tries to stop the fight,
my heart wants love and risk while my mind seeks peace and safety,
whose side should i take?
i want to be loved,
i want to know if she can grow to love me,
though my feelings may not be strong, they are not exactly weak,
just the thought of confessing my feelings shrouds my mind in doubt,
my heart shudders at the feeling of breaking again,
if i confess i may lose her,
if not, i may lose my chance at happiness,
i begin to lose my breath as i struggle towards deciding whether i should confess to her or not,
she walks further ahead the more i stay and conflict with myself,
i seek advice from the skies for answers,
do i want to go up there or stay down here?
my heart is beating and moving restlessly inside of me,
my soul has lost its composure and my mind has gone haywire,
she has me going crazy without her even knowing,
this is a secret too much to bare,
but i cannot keep it inside forever,
this uncertainty haunts me in my sleep,
i hope the only thing i lose in this confession is the doubt.
the time is night,
i am all alone and there is no one for miles,
i am amazed by what i see,
the moon makes it entrance and the stars decorate the night sky,
the wind kisses me in the forehead,
the night slowly embraces me as i become more enticed by the view,
i see the world right in front of me,
i see it all so close yet so far,
i am in a state of shock due to the amazement of this place,
in this place i feel free,
free to live and to love,
to continue my search for her,
i know she is here somewhere,
the moon and stars do not judge me as i fully express myself and my feelings, here i am free to laugh yell and cry,
there is no one who restricts me from doing what i wish,
as i take in the view i see the places i can go,
the possibilities of the world,
and i also see myself somewhere out there,
this place is the only place i can come to,
and have nothing or no one to disturb me,
i finally have my peace here,
the view is so breathtaking i wish i could just fly there and everywhere,
this could be my world,
this place can be the one and only place i need to go,
if only she would be willing to come here with me as well,
i wish i could go there every day,
i would fight life and brave the world just so i can come here,
sadly even if i wanted, to it cannot be possible,
its always been a dream to be here,
it is all in my head,
the serenity, the peace, the happiness,
if i can have that place in this world i will need no one except the other part of my dream,
the woman who is in it,
her and that place would make me want to live in my dreams forever,
then again, this whole thing was just a dream all along wasn't it?
i begin to draw tears as i speak,
my heart has begun to debilitate,
a piece of it has been gone,
it may take a while to get it back,
i almost lost one of the most important parts of my life tonight,
i seek for forgiveness,
my rage spoke for me and it cost a piece of my heart,
now looking at it, my heart is no longer my heart,
pieces of others are what form my heart now,
but this piece grows every passing day,
so the more it grows the more i lose,
worst part of it is i do not even remember what happened,
however it does not justify for this piece of my heart to go away,
turns out i am no better than the ones who have lead you to my heart,
you found comfort there and i was willing to let you stay,
because we all need someone who is there forever,
and you were my someone,
now i am back to an incomplete heart,
i must fight for this fragment,
i must work to the bones if necessary,
but it cannot leave me again,
it happened once out of love i will never allow it out of friendship,
for once i was almost complete and yet it breaks once again because of me, the sound of it breaking echoes into the shadows,
no one is there to hear it,
i seek forgiveness and an opportunity to regain my heart back,
my tears may form it but it does not stay,
i need my heart to be whole once again,
please come back to me,
i cannot justify for my mistake except for the fact that it was a mistake and i hope to prevent it,
more is at stake here and that piece is what can keep me going,
as i speak from the heart i can only say what the rest of it says,
come back and complete my heart again,
what must i do? what must i say?
i cannot be myself without you,
who knew that you would have this much effect on me?
i sure didn't and neither did my heart,
i will fight for you and alongside you as i have since day one,
i am basically fighting my own hell inside of me,
as i have my whole life,
the fact that i have been given a chance will be the chance i will take to reclaim you,
i will be back for you,
once more i come to you seeking to restore my heart to its near completion,
i am bound by my past,
my chains begin to tighten the more i fight my way free,
i am bound from head to foot,
i am chained to a roofless ceiling and i cannot move,
the past me is my torturer,
he has stuck knives to my heart and has placed hopelessness in my soul,
he joys in the idea of inflicting pain on me,
all the anger and sadness he has kept inside of him,
inside of me,
he decides to take them out on me,
i am hurting and almost killing myself,
how could i have let this entity live inside of me?
after all these years he resurfaces,
i do not need to go to hell for suffering,
i already have it inside of me,
i feel every stab to my heart,
i cannot even cry because of the pain,
i call for help but there's no one to hear,
my past is hurting me little by little,
he kills me and resurrects me every day i wake up,
i feel this torture every hour of every day,
my blood decorates this place,
my past has left me helpless,
i am calling for help,
please release me from my chains,
release me of my past,
i call out to hope to break me free,
i want to live without seeing me sticking the knife to my own heart,
my soul is crying for me,
why allow such a fragile thing to cry?
my blood screams to the heavens calling out to God,
release me from my torment,
release me from myself,
i do not wish to suffer anymore,
break my chains and set me free,
i call on to my strength and my heart,
overpower the evil that surrounds you,
fight for your freedom,
fight for our freedom,
my chains of despair are beginning to break,
i am free from myself,
but my past will come back to destroy me,
but i am ready to fight for my happiness and true freedom,
even if i must battle for eternity.
tears fall like rain,
emotions stir as they boil over,
and my heart breaks like glass,
i have lost my sense of control and my emotions are now in full possession of my body,
i cry sadness,
i bleed pain,
and i breathe in the air of emptiness,
my body has started to walk on its own into the night with both halves of my heart in my hands,
full of malevolence and a dark aura which was caused by your betrayal, although my heart is broken and in two,
it is still pumping the blood of pain and sadness,
it is still alive,
my heart has started to regain control of my body as it is now guiding me, where am i going?
where is it taking me?
i look up and i see a beautiful view of the stars inviting me to join them,
and i look down from the cliff and i see the earth,
my body cannot fight the voice emanated from my heart,
for it has become the result of a broken heart,
sadness has restored it,
but malevolence has given it its own essence controlling me, body and soul,
my heart says "fly, fly to the stars,"
and now i spread my arms believing in my heart that i can fly,
only to fall down from the cliffs into a sea of regrets,
it drowns me until i can no longer swim my way up,
i followed my heart to fall in love with you,
but i only fell to my own demise,
and drowned in my own pain.
Fly Away Forever
my heart is gone,
as are you,
because you were my heart,
without my heart i have no reason to live in this world,
i wish i could go with you,
please take me because i have no more purpose in this world if you're gone,
for i am no longer human,
you took my heart with you,
it spawned wings and left,
and now there's feelings of melancholy and anguish forming a shell where my heart was,
as i see you fly away i run after you,
i end up on the edge of a cliff,
should i jump?
at least that way i can be reunited with you,
my reason for being,
the reason i enjoyed being human,
but now i want to fly with you to the skies,
as we ascend together to the heavens,
but i must stay and face through hell on earth all alone,
i cry and cry and i cannot stop because you are gone forever,
and i never even said good-bye,
take me with you so i can leave it all behind,
because all i need is you not the world,
don't leave me to live in sorrow my whole life,
if you love me as much as i loved you,
you'll take me with you,
please, lets fly away together in peace and harmony.
Woman And The Snake
she walks on a field in the rain as every drop drenches her,
and the clouds grow darker,
a black snake has caught up to her and will not free her of its grasp,
lightning and thunder sound loud enough to drown out her cry for help,
she struggles and fights but the grip is too strong for her,
she fights for her breath,
she begins to develop tears that merge with the rain,
her heart has begun to compress inside her body,
her eyes begin to close as she lowers her head,
the snake whispers and says,
"fight all you want but you cannot escape,
for i am the same thing you are running from."
the clouds have turned dreary,
the thunder screams notifying the world of its presence,
and the lightning has stepped foot on the earth,
she has not yet awakened,
the snake begins to embrace her as if it was a part of her,
could it be?
as the snake embraces her,
she awakens and begins to speak,
she tells the snake,
"you will always be a part of me,
you will always be there to hurt me,
but no matter how tight your grip,
you can never kill me."
the snake begins to bind her tightly,
she closes her eyes once more,
her heart begins to decompress,
and the snake begins to lose its grip on her,
her eyes of condemnation begin to make the snake tremble as it slithers away,
but as it leaves it says,
"i will be back soon,
remember that you can never escape me."
the clouds begin to disappear and the rain subsides,
the thunder has made its exit,
she begins to walk freely in the field of life once more,
no longer tangled in the past,
if not, walking towards her future.
i begin to walk, and i become shrouded in a thick fog,
no longer able to see the path or my own hand which is right in my face,
i tremble with confusion as everything falls into silence,
i begin to hear the howls of the wind as a shiver runs through my spine,
my heart is beginning to skip beats,
and my soul is no longer in dormancy,
i begin to drop in body temperature and my palms have begun to move uncontrollably,
and my mind is no longer in control of me,
thick fog only grows thicker as i begin to lose my sense of self-control,
i begin to lose parts of myself,
i no longer feel my hands shaking,
or the beats of my heart,
or the uncontrollable movement of my soul,
the fog has taken them,
they have been shrouded in fear and tried to run,
leaving me alone, as has everyone,
now everything i had is gone,
ive lost it all to the fog
Heaven In Her
the lights are off,
my window is open as the nice breeze comes in and blows in my face,
music is in full session in my ears,
i begin to open my mind and toy with my thoughts,
i begin to gaze at the passing night sky,
the clouds float by greeting me,
i begin to stare into the heavens and i no longer hear the music or feel the breeze,
i fly to another universe and i begin to have a vision of her,
such beauty, serenity, and grace,
my heart begins to tingle inside my body,
and i just stare into space,
nothing snapping me out of it,
and my vision begins to blur as i develop tears,
an instant later i am back in my body,
only to feel the chills in my body,
and the warmth of my tears on my face,
all because i saw a piece of heaven,
i have begun to understand i have lost my sense of emotion,
i cry at beauty,
and i joy in the hardness of reality,
all because i saw a piece of heaven in her.
In These Eyes
i look in the mirror and i look into my own eyes,
i begin to gaze at them motionlessly and i see a long tunnel,
i go further and i see myself growing as a child with my mother,
i see the sacrifices she has made for me,
as i look, i can only see my mother,
i see no one else,
she was the only one who has been there for me,
i thought there were supposed to be more people?
where is my father?
what is a father?
oh right i forgot,
he chose to distance himself from us,
i see my mother breaking her back for me,
and no one is there,
where is everyone?
i start to cry as i see this woman sleep alongside me,
in the cold with only one blanket between us,
she would rather face the cold than let me be cold with her,
the house is gone and i have grown a few years,
i see me in school, its sad how people just walk past me as they see me getting smacked around,
i scream for help but no one comes,
i cry as i walk home but i try to hide it from my mom,
i dont want her to see my pain,
i see the day i get beat up and robbed by older kids,
that day will never leave me,
i see the day i go to visit my family and i am just looked at with disappointment, no one tells me anything,
i see myself in that dark corner wondering why?
my tears have formed a pool and has made me submerge into my teenage years,
such anger, such rage, but why?
i see, this was the time i lost my brother and no one has yet to tell me,
my mother has begun to weaken but is still mentally strong,
we are now in a time of loneliness,
like when i was a kid with no one to rely on except her,
i begin to regain consciousness,
i look down on the floor,
and i see my tears which are of my past,
it seems i still have more to cry about,
how sad, as was my life.
she was there when nobody else was,
she dried my tears when i cried,
encouraged me when i gave up,
and loved me when i needed it,
she is irreplaceable and the motivation for my life because everything i do is for her,
she has given me a reason to live life,
sometimes i am ungrateful to her but i show no signs of hatred towards her,
i mean why should i?
i never overpower her because deep down, i love her with every beat of my heart and every part of my soul,
i bow my head and accept her words be it of affection or harm,
i used to make her cry,
i used to be terrible to her without even saying i'm sorry,
and yet she never abandoned me,
so here and now in front of the whole world i say "i'm sorry,"
i hope she knows i never mean to be this way,
we have faced tough times together but we never gave up,
we were left out in the cold and she would give herself to the cold just so i can be warm,
my father disappeared and i never seen or heard from him,
but she says you dont need him, just me,
sometimes i cant understand how she can deal with me,
but i admire and love her forever for it,
if she dies so will i,
if she becomes out of my reach,
i will draw tears that i hope will drown me so i can join her,
she has my heart, she IS my heart,
and without my heart i cannot live,
as promised here i stand,
i look up at the stars and i see her face,
she is my star that has brightened me, past, present, and future,
now i look up and i say "thank you for being there when no one else was, whether i end up in eternal damnation or peace when i die,
with or without you I'll always love you,
and i mean this from the heart,
for all i have done to you, i'm sorry mom."
my heart can never forgive me,
she was my final chance at happiness and i gave her a reason to leave,
i tried so hard to be the best man i can,
but i ended up becoming the man i didn't want to be,
an undesirable entity,
my ego was in a fight with my heart and it won,
now i have a broken heart and a proud ego,
a pride which i myself am not proud of,
she used to talk to me in hopes of finding true happiness,
my ego used my heart as its mask to cover its evil intentions,
worse part of it is the ego comes and goes,
my heart is with me forever,
how could i have followed something that would abandon me in its own convenience?
instead of following something that has never left me or steered me wrong,
how can i overcome this?
well can i even overcome it?
how will i sleep tonight?
how will i in the next 50 years?
i probably wont,
i see her face in my dreams,
my heart cant take that much pain although i deserve it,
but my heart is not responsible,
it was me and my ego,
my heart has been through enough,
when will it end?
i could have ended it here,
all the pain the suffering,
the sad pumps emanated from my heart,
i used to hear the beats of my heart rhythmically saying "no more,"
yet i put it through hell and back,
i don't know what to do anymore,
there's only so much i can do,
i want someone to have my heart,
i don't want it to suffer anymore,
i deserve to suffer, not my heart,
so please someone come take it,
take it before my ego gives it to the devil,
i will be back after suffering the consequences of my actions,
just please take it and don't break it,
it has been through enough,
my heart is crying,
now its yelling "why?
Please take me, release me from his ego,"
i'm sorry heart,
i should have followed you and listened to you,
you sensed the happiness in her and i blew it,
i don't blame you for leaving me,
no one does,
i hope you find what you are looking for,
we'll find someone,
i will rid myself of this ego,
so please remember i will come back for you,
for now i am trying to find someone i can trust with you,
I'm sorry for driving you to be broken so many times,
i tried to repair you so many times id lose pieces of you for trying to repair you,
well now its time to find someone reliable,
so for anyone whos interested,
i have a heart who has been broken and temporarily repaired,
i have kept the broken pieces,
if you can fix it permanently, its yours,
i don't deserve it anymore.
i don't know anymore,
what drives me to do it especially to those i care about?
i feel like i just took a knife and twisted it in her heart,
i hear her cry and scream,
i do not realize what i've done until its done,
her eyes start to water,
my face shows shock and i begin to draw tears as she falls to her knees,
she looks to the sky as i look at her,
i cant believe what ive done,
she was always there,
she came to me when needed as i to her,
she came to me with a saddened and maltreated heart with a knife through it,
i tried to rid it of the malevolence due to the betrayal caused by others,
turns out i just twisted the blade and increased the wound size,
i never intended this although there is never an excuse to cause harm to those with my interests at heart,
despite that i deeply cared for her,
tried to heal her heart,
remove the knife engraved in her heart,
i ended up twisting it a bit as well,
it seems i can't be a good person either despite my efforts to be one,
i hear no pulse, no heartbeat,
her eyes gaze eternally at the sky,
but wait, the knife, what is it doing?
it made its way into my heart as well,
turns out the same thing that killed her has killed me as well,
im not proud for what i have done,
she flies away while i fall down,
seems we were both taken away by the same thing but we ended up with different paths,
im sorry please forgive me,
come back please,
i yell as my tears evaporate as i burn for the rest of my life,
i cannot believe lying would cause this much pain,
turns out all the times i have been lied to will never compare to the knife in our hearts,
please forgive me,
if you are gone forever i must face hell alone,
you're irreplaceable to me,
but i do not blame you for leaving i blame myself,
the knife has taken us both,
and has left us apart,
Beauty in Evil
picture this if you will,
a beautiful face,
such serenity and grace,
such an angelic and majestic girl,
but alas despite this beauty,
this bit of heaven,
i see in this face what others cannot,
though most see heaven,
sadly i also see hell,
i look into her eyes as she looks at mine,
i see the real her,
chained to a wall of fire,
an evil entity plays with her heart while torturing her soul,
this sight just brings me to run in and save her,
but the entity has posted a barrier,
barricading away all kinds of love, emotion, and happiness,
i do not know what to do,
the soul is the most fragile thing but he toys with it and laughs in my face,
i see this poor girl crying for help,
i see a sad aura placed on her soul,
i look at her mouth and on her lips,
i can see she has tasted the coldness of betrayal,
i look at her ears and i hear what she hears:
lies, deception, and empty promises,
every part of this face has been through hell,
am i wrong for not helping despite my attempts to try?
this face has shown me good and evil,
beauty and horror,
happiness and sadness,
although her face is calm, her soul fights for true happiness,
this face has been engraved in my mind,
i will never forget it,
for it has shown me everything,
and omitted from me nothing,
heaven and hell dwell in this woman,
and i cry because i cannot do much except say do not give up yet,
i will unchain you from this torture,
stay strong and remember you are another star in the sky,
your face is reflected in the night sky,
i hope to see you there tomorrow and the next nights of forever.
Tears of Effort
nothing is ever good enough,
i have done all i possibly could,
i just ask to see her face once,
but i can never turn her to me,
what does it take?
i am here on my knees sweating and bleeding,
trying to earn her happiness,
just one look of admiration,
i feel like its never enough,
she just looks away and does not say a word,
not even a sigh nor cough,
no sign that she is even alive,
she just sits on her throne,
i give her a crown and she doesn't wear it,
i give her a reason to laugh she just stares away,
nothing i do or say moves her,
she is a statue i try to show affection for, but she just sits there,
hoping and waiting for something better,
who is she waiting for?
isn't it me?
she called onto me into making me believe she is interested,
but i look and ive done what i can and more,
i hurt someone i care about just for her satisfaction,
i argued on her behalf and no acknowledgement,
people begin to point and stare and laugh at me,
am i really a fool?
am i wasting my time here?
i want to keep moving because i feel im getting to her,
im not going deep enough,
faith is the only thing keeping me alive here,
i lose that and i die,
why does life do this?
why manipulate me with the same thing i hope to be happy with?
did i lose something good?
yes maybe thats it,
i am losing or already lost something good,
but life does not tell me what it is,
i just ask for one,
one reason to live,
my source of happiness,
is it her? or is it someone else?
i will never know until it happens,
my faith diminishes every day i see her cheeks,
her hair covers her eyes,
i cannot see into her soul or her purpose,
the days fall like petals of a rose,
how long do i have until i run out of petals and stand out alone in the cold?
it whispers to me while crawling coldly in my back,
what do i do?
where do i go?
when will i really know?
ive put so much faith in my life,
i fell under it and now i cant rise out of the doubt,
i have faith in my happiness,
but with her i drop a petal everyday,
i still do not see her face,
turn to me, show me what has been absorbing my faith,
for if she lets it be in vain, she will fall under it,
and i will fall victim to my faith in nothing,
i gave it all to her, without my faith i no longer live,
please do not allow my faith to be in vain,
do not allow me to carry on through life as an empty vessel,
i will fall to my demise in an instant,
do not manipulate my faith, just share it with me.
Chills Of Malevolence
she promised me the truth,
she gave me the opposite,
i offered my heart,
she offered to freeze it,
the coldness of her words get me into a state of hypothermia,
i see my breath freeze in the warm air,
all i asked for was honesty and she lied,
i thought i could warm up her blood with my arms,
unfortunately her blood cannot exceed zero,
she left me in the cold,
i begin to shiver in the coldness of her lies,
i feel the frostbites of her deception,
i believed we were supposed to go through life together,
turns out she didnt want to endure life with me,
i look up at the stars wishing i could be up in the night sky,
at least up there i never feel alone,
id be surrounded by beautiful entities that cannot change,
yet i am here on earth where nothing is constant,
not even the truth,
it is constantly distorted and turned into a cold chill that runs in my spine,
she represents the coldness i felt,
i shiver at the chills emanated from her mouth,
what is the source of this cold and evil entity?
why can i not do anything about it?
i drop in temperature and my face begins to grow pale,
she continues to talk lies and dishonesty not knowing what she does to me inside,
my soul has developed icicles,
my heart begins to beat slower by the minute,
my blood has become solid and has left me motionless,
does she not see what she does to me?
i cant move, what is going on?
she continues to talk but i begin to deafen,
her coldness has disabled my ability to react,
i see someone i can trust walking towards me,
wait where is he going?
why is he taking her with him?
what is this?
he does not freeze like i do,
her coldness is gone,
she left the chills of evil with me to be with him,
does she expect me to be as vile as she is?
the cold has accepted me as its master,
but i cannot be like this,
like her the darkness of deception,
now the cold has consumed me entirely,
now i have fallen victim to the coldness of her dishonesty.
music is in session in my ears,
my room is pitch-black,
the darkness closes my eyes and i am projected out of my body,
i see a girl, she looks so familiar,
wow, so beautiful,
just like i remembered her,
her hair softer than silk,
and her face smoother than a baby,
eyes a man can get lost into,
and a body i would lust for forever,
i run towards her but shes not within my reach,
why? come to me now,
oh i see now i remember,
i know who she is,
she offered me her heart,
i never took it into my hands because of my skepticism,
no one ever likes to remember the one who got away and she did,
how could i have let that elegant being fall under my fingers?
i hate coming back to this area of my life,
question for you,
have you ever looked back at something and realize that letting it go was the biggest mistake of your life?
i have and it was her,
i shake my head wondering why? how?
i let her slip through the cracks,
i was lied to, manipulated, and abandoned,
how can one mistake do so much damage to my life?
i stand on a rooftop,
i look up at the sky,
i look down to the floor and yet i can't see it,
should i jump?
there'd be no more stabs to my heart,
all the regrets coming to haunt me at night,
i can end it all with one step,
i dont want to see her face anymore,
i keep seeing it,
she is right there and yet i cant hold her and say "im sorry give me a chance," wow this regret is haunting me even on the brink of death,
shes up in the sky,
i hear her voice from saying "come down from there,"
i am coming down now,
but not by elevator or stairs,
i took the final step and now my regrets will disappear,
because i am coming to her,
i fall rapidly and the world begins to rise as i fall,
i found the floor but not her,
i now enter the afterlife,
with another regret which is having officially lost her forever.
my soul my essence my identity,
i see such a battle in there,
i feel it with high levels of intensity,
i am surrounded by an evil aura and a good one,
seems even in me good and evil fight,
and this battle is at the cost of my soul,
i fight myself everyday,
i don't know who or what exactly i am fighting for,
all i know is it involves me,
i try to fight for good,
but the world sometimes compels me to fight for evil,
why did i have to be involved in this eternal war?
then again no one is exempted from it are they?
but my soul is unsure about what to fight for,
i just see me fighting myself,
my soul has begun to debilitate as has my heart,
my heart is supposed to be guarding my soul,
but all the evil my heart has endured has weakened it,
how much can it take?
my heart is the fortress of my soul,
why does evil want to claim it so much?
my heart is fighting so hard and i wish it can rest,
but i cannot allow my soul to be left open,
what can i do?
i do not want a soul of steel,
i do not wish to aid evil,
i need light, i need benevolence,
i need something good worth fighting for,
my happiness, my success, my ability to love and laugh,
i want to keep fighting for my soul,
mine does not deserve to be in the shadows forever,
i dont mind being around the dark, but not at the cost of my soul,
i want to leave the darkness for a while,
how much more do i need to keep fighting?
pieces of my soul have begun to disappear in evil,
damn it i want to fight for good,
i want peace, i want happiness,
I WANT MY SOUL BACK,
i become so enraged and i just want to rip the world apart,
the world is responsible for the evil that happens to me,
why can i not be left alone?
why is good and evil always fighting for souls at the cost of one of them losing it?
how selfish can they be?
sometimes i wish i was never involved in the fight,
but what choice do i have?
i am i must and i always will fight for the good,
i have been shrouded in evil for 20 years,
its time i reclaim my soul from hell.
my breath freezes,
i feel a chill in the air,
i sense something malicious,
as it gets more quiet it gets even closer,
i wonder what will come at me next,
wait i know who they are,
i trust them i respect them i give them loyalty,
they're some of the ones i love,
we have the time of our lives together but it is time to part ways once more,
wait a minute there's that chill again,
no it couldn't be,
was it them?
no they are not hypocrites,
but the chills are surrounding them,
it's emanated from their mouths,
it is so quiet i bet i can hear their heart beat,
wow they have no heart,
how are they alive?
are they even human?
who have i surrounded myself with?
i have been around entities with no human emotion,
that explains why i lose people when i am around them,
evil breathes in purity and breathes out pain and despair,
just like them,
just the thought that they walk to me now knots my stomach and turns over my heart,
as they walk away they fade into the shadows where they belong,
the chills are gone and the darkness has faded with them,
to think they show their true colors when it can be hidden,
stay in the dark where you belong,
because it shows your cowardice while you try to instill fear in me,
remember i dwell in the shadows as well,
i know all the tricks so you do not scare me,
try and fight me and see who wins,
i have already been through hell and i made it back,
there's nothing you can do to me that's worse than hell,
i came back and now i'm ready.
what is so bad about me?
why do i feel like the world questions my existence?
i feel like i walk though a dark road by myself,
my shadow is my only companion,
i have been left alone,
everyone has gone on and left me to twist in despair and abandonment,
i can see my breath,
i hear my heart beat into the pitch-black of the night,
where is everyone?
why am i here?
am i so unimportant that my fate is sealed here?
i have not been able to get a second look,
where have i gone wrong?
why do people come and then leave?
am i not human as well?
do i not deserve that much respect?
the shadows want to embrace my heart and blacken it,
and yet i want to embrace it despite me fighting it all of my life,
what should i do?
the hands of the dark come to claim me,
my heart is beating restlessly as i begin to tremble,
it feels like it wants to rip through my chest,
it runs into the open arms of the dark,
should i follow it?
should i follow my heart here?
the shadows are more welcoming than those around me,
i have been tossed aside like garbage so why should i follow them?
i am in a fight with my heart,
my soul is calling for my heart,
but my heart just wants to be in someones arms,
and the shadows is promising that it will embrace it forever,
should i walk in and be forever embedded with the dark?
what should i do?
i want to walk on but i can only go so far,
i must walk on and forget the others,
i pray to God as i walk forward,
may He guide me as i walk through the enticing call of the night.